hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
