We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
