every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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