The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize