I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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