im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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