I faked an abortion last night.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
