Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
