Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize