The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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