I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
