I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I hate all girls vehemently.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
