Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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