If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
