first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
