she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
