just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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