yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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