What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
