in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so let's talk penis.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
