I heard we made out
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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