is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
