who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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