my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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