SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
