No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
