No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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