Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
