So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
