Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize