I wish i was in the wii world.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
