I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
