I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
