Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
