This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
