Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Still dying that you shit outside
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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