dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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