You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
