Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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