porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
please come you make the beer taste better
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
