Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize