sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
