Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
