Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
