I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
In America we eat man semen.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
