hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
This house was built for laser tag.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
