this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
