are you still at the devil's house?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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