So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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