Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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