oh god the rape fog is back!
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
