I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
