8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
