This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
