If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
