why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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