god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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