I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
