Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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