Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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