So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize