Little spoons don't ask big questions
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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