cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
