it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
