Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
