You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
