North Korea, Best Korea!
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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