taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You may now shotgun with the bride
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
