today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
