yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
