I am in a vortex of obligation.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
