Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
