you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
