Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
