You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
