I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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