I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
