My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
