the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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