she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
